Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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