you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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