I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
