Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
