i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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