dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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