maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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