Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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