I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
