WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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