Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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