Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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