He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
