he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
