Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
