theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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