Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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