Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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