Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
