There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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