Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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