i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize