People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
