Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
