Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
