May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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