is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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