Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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