I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize