i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
