Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
