Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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