I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
