She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
