My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
