it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
