Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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