I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
