I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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