i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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