We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
