So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
