why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
