she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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