im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Liz is crying about burritos again.
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we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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