I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
