She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got chris browned last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
