Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
