It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
