everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
