An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I lost the right to judge tonight
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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