you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
