i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
