Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
