He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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