You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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