I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
