eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
