i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
