hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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