apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
