girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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