the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
