So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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