That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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