chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
