Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
