yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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