his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
