im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
