ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think weed is turning my hair brown
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
