make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
