i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
