Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
