saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
