Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
