you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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